Back in January I accompanied my friend to his company's holiday dinner at the Graves Hotel in Downtown. I did this last year as well. The food that was catered at this year's event was not very good compared to last year. The steak I ordered was flavorless and not very tender. The dessert options were too sweet for me so I just drank tea. Here are some pictures:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning we met up with my sister at Patisserie 46, which is one of my favorite place to get a cup of cappuccino, possibly brunch and decadent desserts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“He had strong, steady hands, and I could tell from looking at them there was little he couldn't do. Mossy always said you could tell everything you needed to know about a man from his hands. Some hands, she told me, were leaving hands. They were the wandering sort that slipped into places they shouldn't, and they would wander right off again because those hands just couldn't stay still. Some hands were worthless hands, fit only to hold a drink or flick ash from a cigar, and some were punishing hands that hit hard and didn't leave a mark and those were the ones you never stayed to see twice.

But the best hands were knowing hands, Mossy told me with a slow smile. Knowing hands were capable; they could soothe a horse or woman. They could take things apart -- including your heart -- and put them back together better than before. Knowing hands were rare, but if you found them, they were worth holding, at least for a little while.”

― Deanna Raybourn,  A Spear of Summer Grass

 

 

I don't know since when or why I started to think more about the hands.....or maybe I do know but I guess whatever the reason, it is starting to become a thing of the past. It has to be since there's no other way around it. I wonder when I'd meet the a pair of knowing hands or if they'd know me.

“Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.”

 

 

 

 

There are endings and there are beginnings and the two always meet....

 

 

 

 

Sick but not at death's door. Three down, one to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"In the first place, you shouldn’t believe in promises. The world is full of them: the promises of riches, of eternal salvation, of infinite love. Some people think they can promise anything, others accept whatever seems to guarantee better days ahead, as, I suspect is your case. Those who make promises they don’t keep end up powerless and frustrated, and exactly the fate awaits those who believe promises."

—  Paulo Coelho

My case?...I was too hopeful probably. I had once truly believed that the hands would come together one day and actually clap in unison. An illusion I built in my mind and probably enhanced by false promises, and when it began to fall apart....I guess I kind of knew because it was too good to be true in the beginning. The person was too good at manipulations and being vague, but I tried to justify that it contradicts with their personality type. Maybe it's something I will never know or find out. I've learned from a long time ago how reduce damage inflicted upon me, before I let someone hurt me or finding out the facts to probable cause...I will cut my losses as to save myself the agony and pain of betrayal.

Someone who is very dear to me sent me this today and it made me smile. Thank you for thinking of me:

 

corrode, v.

I spent all this time building a relationship. Then one night I left the window open, and it started to rust. 

-page 64 from The Lover's Dictionary by David Levithan.

 

 

 

 

Someone had once said to me , "Out of sight, out of mind." Funny how I never heard of it nor know what it meant then. I had given hints and warnings but it was unheeded as if my feelings did not matter. I had forewarned that this day would/could happen. My doubts formed over a long period of time and spread like ulcers, then it cratered out and started to corrode my feelings. This is the result of broken promises, false hope, and an almost non-existent communication. Somehow, I now  realized I don't really know the person as I thought that I did, because the person had never really let me in.....sad thing is, all this time, it was only enough to let me think I did.

 

 

 

 Tu sais il me faudra encore du temps

 Pour être sûre d'aimer quelqu'un et de l'aimer vraiment

 On a toute la vie devant nous

 Mais garde bien tes sentiments

 Et puis surtout

Ecris-moi souvent

 Un roman d'amitié

 Qui s'élance comme un oiseau

 Pas une histoire d'amour vacances

 Qui finit dans l'eau

 

 C'est un long roman d'amitié

 Qui commence entre nous deux

 Magique adolescence

 Où tout est un jeu

 Quand tu prends ma main tout va bien

 Fais comme tu veux mais ne dis rien

 Une amitié qui s'élance

 Comme l'envol d'un oiseau

 Pas un amour vacances

 Qui finit dans l'eau

 

 C'est un long roman d'amitié

 Qui commence entre nous deux

 Magique adolescence

 Où tout est un jeux

 And you know when you look at me

 Et tu sais que quand tu me regardes

 You'll find the reason in my eyes

 Tu trouveras la raison dans mes yeux

 Quand tu prends ma main

 Fais comme tu veux mais ne dis rien

 

 Des fois je pense à moi et à toi

 Sometimes I think of me and you

 Et chaque maintenant et puis je pense

 And every now and then I think

 Que nous n'arriverons jamais au bout

 We'll never make it through

 Nous traversons des temps fous

We go through some crazy times

 Et chaque fois je me demande si je te perdrai

 And every time I wonder if I'll be losing you

 Mais je ne devrai pas

 But I never do

 Oh mon amie tu me donnes une raison

Oh my friend you give me a reason

 De continuer à croire

 To keep me here believing

 Que nous serons pour toujours ensemble de cette façon

 That we'll always be together this way

 Et tu sais mon amie que tu me donnes une raison

 And you know my friend you give me a reason

 De me faire rester

 To make me stay

 Et même par la plus longue des nuits, le sentiment survie

 And even through the longest night, the feeling survives

 Il semble que je puisse juste te contempler

 Seems that I can just look at you

 Et je trouve la raison dans tes yeux

 And I find the reason in your eyes